Posts tagged ‘subway’

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April 21, 2010

Meredith + Reese = 4 Never

In the subway station today, a gang of kids came through, and one boy started screaming.

‘Ladies and gentlemen, I only have one question to ask you today!  Meredith!  Meredith?  Wait there, please.’

Meredith:  ‘Stop it, seriously.’

Boy (running after her):  ‘Ladies and gentlemen, this will only take a minute of your time!  Meredith?’

Meredith:  ‘Will you please–’

Boy:  ‘Will you go to prom with me?’

(Everyone starts laughing.)

Meredith:  ‘No!  Quit it!’

Boy:  ‘Meredith.  Please, be my date to the prom.’

Meredith:  ‘No.’

Boy from opposite subway platform:  ‘Yo, what’d she say, Reese?’

Reese:  ‘She said no.  Ladies and gentlemen, what do you think she should say?’

Assorted embarrassed people:  ‘Yes!’

Meredith:  ‘I can’t.’

Reese:  ‘Why not?’

Meredith:  ‘I already have a date.’

Boy from other platform:  ‘Oh, come on, don’t do Reese like that!  He’s a good guy!’

Reese:  ‘Who?’

Meredith:  ‘Parker.”

Reese:  ‘Parker?!’

Boy from other platform:  ‘Sing her a song, Reese!’

Reese.  ‘I can’t.  Because I can’t sing.  But I can tell you how I feel today.’

Meredith (bright red):  ‘Oh, my God.’

Boy from other platform:  ‘That’s okay, Reese!  You tried.’

Posted in Brooklyn, Mulberry Street, New York City, People | Leave a Comment »

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September 24, 2007

Dear MTA:

Dear administrators of MTA’s “Poetry in Motion” series:

I write to commend you on your selection of a stanza from Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass for your “Poetry in Motion” series, which features various poems reprinted on the overhead panels of MTA subway trains. I can think of no more appropriate bit of poesy to brighten the subway journeys of commuting New Yorkers than:

“If you, passing, meet me and desire to speak to me,
why should you not speak to me?
And why should I not speak to you?”

Clearly, this stanza is perfect for transit poetry, because what New Yorker does not wish to be more frequently addressed by strangers on the subway? In further celebration of this poem, I offer the following pastiche that more accurately reflects my unique perspective (that of a young woman who often travels by subway very late at night):

“If you, passing, find me attractive and desire to harass me endlessly,
why should you not harass me endlessly?
For what can I possibly do about it?”

Thanks again, “Poetry in Motion” – I look forward to more great selections in future!

Sincerely,
Elizabeth,
Transit customer

Posted in Books, Brooklyn, New York City | Leave a Comment »

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July 25, 2007

Endless Children’s Songs

Attention creepy man on the subway platform: although it appears that I am staring at you, if you simply looked around yourself a bit, rather than just creepily staring back at me, you might realize that there are a number of other things I am more likely to be staring at, such as: the hot guy behind you. Or, the cute dress worn by the hot guy behind you’s girlfriend. Or, the shady guy clearly lifting an ipod out of the gaping side pocket of the hot guy’s girlfriend’s purse. Or, the policeman standing a little way away that is just staring passively at the pickpocket who’s taking the ipod from the purse of the girlfriend of the hot guy. Or, the subway musician who is watching the entire scenario and is clearly scoring his music appropriately. Or, the rat who is poking his nose into a paper sack gaping open next to the subway musician’s foot and extracting a sandwich. Or, the baby leaning from its stroller and reaching out to grab the tail of the rat who is taking the sandwich from the oblivious musician who is watching the cop who is watching the pickpocket who is watching the girlfriend of the hot guy who is not noticing her ipod being stolen because she is glaring at me because I am staring at her boyfriend. Or, the baby’s mother, who is being harassed by a religious pamphleteer and so is not noticing that her baby is about to touch a rat who is about to score a sandwich. Or, at the religious pamphleteer herself, who is crazily ranting to the mother, distracting her from her baby who is focused on the rat distracted by the sandwich, belonging to the subway musician distracted by the cop, who is not intervening in the pickpocketing of the jealous, well-dressed girlfriend of the hot guy, who does not actually seem to be any more aware of any of this than you, creepy guy, because he, too, is in his own world.

Posted in Brooklyn, Humor, New York City, People | 1 Comment »

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June 6, 2007

I Probably Shouldn’t Have Cried

On the flip side, here are some things in the past week that absolutely devastated me, and probably should not have:

  • Blowback from my fresh-squeezed carrot juice stained the front of my sundress. I decided to cancel some plans I had later rather than show up like that.


  • A busser helped himself to one of the pens in my apron for what felt like the umpteenth time, and I lost my shit at him. ‘Everybody steals my pens!’ I wailed.


  • G8, or whatever weird cable station, has apparently stopped broadcasting Arrested Development reruns. Now, there is only Ninja Warrior and that dull show about designing your own video game.


  • Leaving work one night (it was very late and I was very exhausted) I ran down the stairs to the E, hearing the rumbling that means the train is either just coming in or just leaving. At that hour, it’s at least a 30-minute wait in between trains, so you can understand what a tense situation this was. Despite my flip-flops, I got to the bottom of the steps just as the train was slowing to a stop. I was so excited and relieved that I said ‘Yes!’ and did an actual victory fist-pump in full sight of everyone in the car. Only to realize a minute later, that the train was actually just revving up to leave. I hollered, ‘NO!!!’ Then, unbelievably, the train again slowed to a stop halfway out of the station. Panting excitedly like a delusional puppy, I ran down the platform to where it had stopped. The conductor looked at me, and started the train up again without opening the doors. I threw an all-out tantrum (I was really, really exhausted). Again, the passengers saw this whole thing. It was another hour before I got home.


  • I discovered ‘I Can Has Cheezburger,’ and its popularity. Really, people? Really?


  • I told a bunch of people from work that I was 36. They said, ‘I don’t believe it!’ But in that, ‘I do believe it, but I find it very surprising,’ way. Not in the, ‘It’s really not possible, and you’re clearly lying,’ way. Then, as I started to explain that I’m actually 25, I realized that I’ll actually be 26 in less than a month. Which upset me.


  • In an effort to think more positively, I sat down to make a list of my accomplishments in life. This, too, ended in a crying fit.

Posted in Brooklyn, Food, Humor, New York City, Work | 1 Comment »

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