Accismus

If you would be successful in any area of the arts, here are some concepts that you would do well to keep in mind:

• Any dislike is really baseless prejudice. Discerning patrons of the arts approve of everything and everybody.

• If it sounds like common sense, it’s probably offensive.

• To fail to stand and cheer is as rude as is to boo.

• Everyone is frighteningly talented, and all people are effortless geniuses.

• In praising an artist or work, make up with emphasis and repetition what you lack in sincerity or actual interest.

• Don’t piss on others’ parades with your quiet disapproval.

• Every given thing is exactly equivalent to every other given thing, and all things are utterly divorced from context.

• If being photographed, appear alongside the fat. If being produced, appear alongside the dull and inarticulate.

• Be controversial in acceptable ways.

• Any successful venture is 1% product and 99% promotion. Don’t waste too much time on content.

• If something seems half-assed, that’s exactly the point it’s trying to make. If something seems pointless, it’s because the audience isn’t working hard enough at interpreting it.

• Life is art. We’re all making it all the time. And we all deserve attention for it.