Following up on my earlier post about Morocco, I am still going, and in fact, am leaving within the week. Turned out the cheapest, easiest option was to fly through London, so my friend R and I are flying out this Saturday night, then flying to Fes Sunday evening, then flying back to London on the 3rd, then home on Saturday the 5th. This trip marks a number of travel firsts for me: it’s the first time I’ve ever traveled anywhere (out of the country) for so short a time (previously, I was in Italy for 2 months and in Asia for 3½); it’s the first time I’ve traveled in winter; and it’s the first time I’ve traveled with anyone. For the first thing, I’m really trying not to be such an American about traveling – I haven’t been out of the country since I got back from Asia in 2006, because I’ve been waiting until the next time I move cities, but now I have decided that I should really try to take a short trip every year, even if I don’t have any money.

I’m mostly worried about the middle of those three concerns – I have no idea at all what to bring. I’m carrying my old pack (which my Dad very sweetly washed for me), but it’s pretty small and can’t hold two weeks worth of clothes, much less two weeks worth of winter clothes. Every other time I’ve traveled, I’ve brought a giant wad of tissue-weight sundresses and a pair of flip-flops.

As to traveling with someone, I think that R and I will travel well together, as we both have the same general philosophy, which is to just buy plane tickets and figure out everything else when we get there. Both of us like to wander around alone, and neither of us are particularly pressured about cramming things in (this weekend, some friends were saying that we have to ride a camel through the desert because it will be our only chance to do that, and both R and I were like, ‘Why would this be our only chance to do that?’). R has expressed some concern about the fact that I am constitutionally unable to speak up if I disagree with something or don’t want to do something, so she’s worried that I’ll tag along with her politely doing things I’m not really interested in. Which, you know, I probably will, but I’ve been doing that since birth, so I don’t see the issue.

I’m mostly just worried about leaving Thomasina for two weeks by herself – she’s going to be so lonely! What if she turns feral? She’s always just on the brink, as it is. My wonderful roommate has agreed to feed her, but I doubt she will spend 30 minutes a night petting Thomasina’s face, like I do. Partly because she actually has a life, and partly because if she gets anywhere near Thomasina, Thomasina will surely bite her. Our impending separation particularly concerns me just now, as we haven’t spent much time together over the past few weeks – I have, very uncharacteristically, been a right social butterfly lately, as it’s January and I’m attempting to combat my seasonal depression the natural way, by faking a manic episode, and meanwhile, Thomasina has been absolutely consumed by her latest project. She has tasked herself with entirely chewing through a 5’x7’ jute rug, which is quite the undertaking for a 2 pound rabbit, and she is pursuing her goal with a dedication and single-mindedness that any of us might envy (above is a photo of Thomasina under my bed, surrounded by the many, many things with which I have provided her for chewing, other than the rug; still, she prefers the rug and I have to respect that). So, we’ve both been busy and a little distant, and I worry she won’t even remember me when I get back.

Anyway!

Naturally, I will blog about my trip here and post photos and everything, so those of you who followed my travel blog but don’t read this one, this is where it will be. But here’s the thing, y’all – I’m not going to post in real-time, because I’m only going for two weeks and I’m not going to spend several hours every other night sitting in an internet cafe, so I’ll post it all when I get back. Sorry, I know that’s not as much fun, but it will be nice to have ready-made content for this blog for awhile. Check back on the 7th or 8th (or, well, 9th).

Speaking of content and the blog, I’ve never done any sort of metapost about this blog, and this seems like as good a time as any. Remember when this blog was consistently funny? Good times. That was back when I started this here thing, in March 2007, which was about a month after I first moved to NYC. So, it’s been up almost four years, but that also includes the several months during which I took the whole blog down entirely because someone I really admire said something mean to me and it made me sad. To date, the blog has nearly 47,000 views, which isn’t that many, and it consistently gets around 30-40 views a day, sometimes more, sometimes less.

At first, I posted something funny about once a week; then, for a long time, I posted something funny twice a week and something topical three times a week; then, I posted nothing for months; then, I posted a lot of very boring short posts about nonsense because I felt like it; and now I post anywhere from weekly to daily about whatever happens to occur to me.

On July 3, 2007, I posted this about the igoogle teahouse fox theme page. The igoogle team found it and emailed it around, which bumped me up in the google rankings, and to date, this is my most viewed post and most of my traffic comes from searches related to the teahouse fox theme.

On August 18, 2010, I posted this poem, and I made WordPress’s Freshly Pressed page, resulting in my highest viewed day (2,408 views) and my most commented post (96 comments). This is my second most-viewed post on the blog.

My third top post is this one, which is not one of my funnier posts by a long shot, but which is the source of a lot of my traffic, because people overwhelmingly come to this blog after searching for various iterations of “how to meet my dream man,” which is a constant source of amusement to me every time I look at my stats. In fact, the very top search that brings people to my blog, ahead of even ‘accismus’ or anything to do with teahouse fox, is “how to meet the man of your dreams.” Which, all I can say about that is, I am so sorry. I have no expertise on this subject at all, and never claimed to. The only thing I might say? Very gently, here in your ear, just us girls together? Is that if this dream man is so very elusive…perhaps he does not really want to be found. Just saying.

My fourth most-viewed post is this one, which people find by googling the Columbia J-school application test. I wrote this post because Columbia used to have this very multiple-choice test up on their site as a sample of what you would have to take as part of your application, but they removed it not long after I posted this and from what I can tell, they no longer require such a thing, probably because they realized how moronic it was.

My fifth top post is this one, because, YOU GUYS, I cannot even TELL you how many people out there are searching for “Kaley Cuoco diet and exercise routine.” Seriously, people, what is the deal? Get yourselves a hobby!

The sixth is this MySpace Quiz bit, which I only mention because, ha, MySpace, what? People still google that?

So, there you have it. When I first started this blog, I would never have believed that I would one day be the top source on the web for finding the man of your dreams, and for information on Kaley Cuoco’s diet and exercise routine, but life takes you places you don’t expect.

I don’t have any grand insights into blogging or anything. To have a successful blog, you need a topic, and obviously, this blog has no topic at all. I didn’t start it to have a successful blog, though – I just wanted to be entertaining on a small scale, and to have something to do with bits I thought up that didn’t really work in a play or a sketch. When I used to blog really regularly and I had a regular following, I used to freak out when I’d post something and get no positive feedback on it. That made me feel really lonely, and was a constant source of stress. But now that I don’t necessarily have a regular following, the occasional random post that gets a lot of compliments is just a happy accident, but I don’t sit around being all, “Oh, God, why can’t I think of anything funny? What if I can’t ever think of anything funny again?” Which is what I used to do when I was actually pursuing comedy out in the real world, and that’s understandable, but that type of stress for a tiny little blog I write for free is just not worth it, and that’s the answer to why this blog doesn’t feature as many humor pieces as it used to: because there’s nothing in it for ME, you ungrateful little shits!

Finally, looking back over my entries, here are some of my favorites over the years that don’t get that many views, and a few I’d forgotten about, but still made me laugh:

• Community Rules for Separate Commons, Communal Living Experiment for Introverts
• Further Excerpts from Susan Sontag’s Journals and Notebooks
• Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams
• At Home with the Woolfs, Part One (If you think you’re missing something on this post, you’re not.  I have no idea why the hell I wrote it, or what it’s about, or why it’s “part one,” but for whatever reason, I still think it’s funny.)
• Elizabeth Bennett’s Missed Connections
• All My Friends Are Turtles:  The Unpublished Journals of April O’Neil
• While I’m At Work, and You Are Home Alone This Summer
• The Inexplicably Furious Mannequins of Macy’s (This actually does get a number of views – strangely, a lot of people Google Macy’s mannequins.)
• I’m a Sucker for Arts
• Norton Recommends Some Updates
• Spring Wardrobe Purge (This post gets some hits, too, mostly from people searching for “how to pee in wrap pants.” Also, wow, how thin am I in these pictures? My face looks huge! This was when I was eating nothing but Clif bars because I was trying to finish a play and the only way I could make myself finish it was by quitting eating altogether, because otherwise, I would spend all the time I was supposed to be writing thinking about what I might have for lunch, so finally, I was like, ‘Well, you’re never having lunch AGAIN, how about that? Now finish your damn work!’ That play turned out to be really awesome, and everyone loved it, but it was never produced because I suddenly decided that I hated the theater and abruptly quit everything and stopped speaking to everyone. It’s possible that I sometimes self-sabotage just the teensiest bit.)
• Am I a Poor Listener, or Should You Just Shut Up:  A Primer for Party Conversation
• Proposed Renovations
• I’b Sig

Anyway, it’s been a great four years, everyone! Thanks for reading!

I’ve been in a bad mood because it’s fall, the season of darkness and death, and also because even though it’s icy cold in my room, one last mosquito is hanging in there and biting me in special places all night long, and also because I’ve been working more than usual and I just can’t understand how people who work full-time ever get their laundry or their reading done, and also because my best buddy will be moving out soon and I will miss her and also I have to find a new roommate, and also because Thomasina has been a right little bitch lately, having established this routine of running up and biting me just before bedtime as a way (I’m only guessing here) of asserting that her day has not been entirely perfect in every respect.  Maybe it’s because I have been at work all day this week, when I am usually home with her most of the time, or maybe she has decided that she likes me being out of the way and is annoyed when I get back in it.  Who knows what rabbits think?  You?  If so, please tell me.  Anyway, a chihuahua will be moving in soon, and then she’ll be sorry she was mean to me.    

But despite all these annoyances, I have decided to begin looking in the general direction of the bright side.  So, here – here are two positive things:

The Dresden Dolls were AMAZING on Halloween.  They played two full encore sets, and just generally rocked, and also, if Amanda Palmer ever gets sick of Neal Gaiman, I would like to marry her, and if Amanda Palmer ever gets sick of Amanda Palmer, I would like to be her.  

Also, today is the day we vote!  Voting is healthy fun for boys and girls, even when it’s cold and dark out and all you want to do is whine about things and be angry, and even if the voting in question will very likely spin the country off in a different direction from the one you want it to be going in, when it wasn’t even going in your direction in the first place, but rather, just sort of making emptyish gestures in the direction of the direction, which it clearly never intended to go in at all, anyway, but was just saying that it might in order to appease you, and so, you know, democracy is an illusion and your vote doesn’t really matter at all.  Still – vote!  

Oh, and hey, here’s another good thing – I am now a green belt in Shotokan karate, so anyone who’d like to beat the snot out of me is advised to do so within the next five years, because after that, who knows but I might be able to make it rather difficult for you.   

Look at that!  Good things flopping out all over. 

…Is it summer yet?

I don’t think I’ll ask her again…

Q: Have had Pook for two years about, doe, want to breed her butt she is not intrsted in Thomas (male lop). Can she be gay? Or mebe Thomas is not male?
14 replies

Q: My dwarf rabbit, Bun-Chums, keeps biting me whenever I pick him up to cuddle. Help! Should I pull his teeth out?
47 replies

Q: My son gave rat poison to Tibbens, and when I tried to make her throw it up (went to put pencil down her throat), she bit me. Is this normal behavior? She’s never bit me before! Also, should I feed her something to get the poison out?
25 replies

Q: If I wanta et these rabbit, should i make him deworm fust? Anny advise on home to do – can’t pay vet!!!
114 replies

Q: To the ‘Anonymous’ person who responded that breeders are terrible and cause the death of countless unwanted bunnies in shelters, may I just say that I am a proud breeder of rabbits, and that I am very careful with my rabbits, and responsible, and make sure they all go to good homes. And so, it is not my fault that there are unwanted shelter bunnies. That is of course very sad, but this is my hobby, and everyone has a hobby. Do you can’t enjoy your dinner because you worry about Africa? So why shouldn’t I enjoy my hobby? And for the record, I am aged 5 and sign my real name, so ‘Anonymous,’ have some courage. – Cindy Peters-Rogers, Age 5
6 replies

Q: My bun leap around and roll onda floor. Do thismean he happy? Whatchoo think?????
0 replies

Q: My husband died two days ago, and I think my lop, Misty, is in mourning! She is listless, sad, won’t eat…What can I do to help her get back to her old happy, hoppy self?
5 replies

Q: Jiggles has been lying still for three days, in his own urine and his hay, not eating or pooping. But he is breathing. Is this be something wrong? Time to call vet?!?
2 replies

Q: Well, Cindy Peters-Rogers, Age 5, you have an EVIL hobby, and you are a HORRIBLE 5-year-old BUNNY MURDERER!!! I hope you enjoy your HOBBY, CINDY!! Don’t let all those dead bunnies bother you, just keep adding to the pile!!!
P.S. FYI, I NEVER enjoy my dinner, and am ALWAYS worrying about Africa, so don’t ASSume, get it, ASS???
-Anonymous, Age 43
56 replies

Q: My rabbit, Periwinkle, just exploded, spraying fur and blood in all directions, and now I can’t find anything left of her. Is this something to worry about? Should I consult my vet?
20 replies

1. Gail Collins. The New York Times was long overdue for a female columnist who wasn’t Maureen Dowd, and Gail Collins is more than the Times deserves: tart, smart, funny and perceptive, her takes on the issues of the day are both informative and cathartic. I just checked out one of her books, America’s Women: 400 Years of Dolls, Drudges, Helpmates, and Heroines, but have only read the first chapter so far. I’ll let you know how it is. Also, in addition to her columns, Collins’s conversations with David Brooks are a treat. I have to confess, in the past, I have occasionally liked David Brooks, but he’s been heinous lately, and as his tenure at the Times goes on, he contradicts himself ever more blatantly. I dearly love a good journo fight, and Matt Taibbi (an occasional guilty pleasure for me, I’ll admit – his reportage may be spotty, but sometimes you just need a good, unapologetic rant) has lately been picking Brooks’s columns up in his teeth and shaking them back and forth until their necks snap.

2. The public library. I like to write in my books, dogear them, and read them in the shower, so for years, I insisted on buying books and keeping them in piles along my baseboards. But I don’t make that kind of money these days, and have finally learned to make good use of the public library. Yes, the inability to write in the books is a serious handicap, but otherwise, I am a total library convert. There’s a small branch near my house, and I can order whatever I want through the system to be delivered there, and they notify me by email when my holds are ready. Best of all, you can renew your books on the computer, and as long as nobody puts a hold on them, you can renew them indefinitely (I’ve renewed one 12 times already). And all for not one red cent (not counting city taxes). Beat that, Kindle.

3. Susan Schorn’s McSweeney’s column. I go back and forth on McSweeney’s, and particularly on their columnists. Some are good, some are boring, many have long outlived their original gimmick, good for only a post or two, but weirdly extended. But one of their new columns, Susan Schorn’s meditations on martial arts, self-defense, anger, weakness, and related topics, is fantastic – and not just because I’m into karate lately. I agree with Schorn about everything, and wish she lived next door to me, so that I could bother her all the time (and all of her other humor pieces are great, too). Speaking of karate:

4. Shotokan karate. I have been training at a local dojo since August (I’m currently a yellow belt), and I am obsessed. Fantastic exercise, and a wonderful outlet for pent-up aggression, karate is sport, art form, self-defense training and a study in focus and discipline, all in one. I try to make three classes a week, and, while I still couldn’t beat up a four-year-old, my kiai has deepened from Chihuahua to Rottweiler.

5. Jezebel and The Awl. I am putting these together, because my enjoyment of them is similar. For some reason, when Jezebel debuted, I immediately decided that I didn’t care for it. I can’t remember what about it offended me, because I’ve really been enjoying it lately. In addition to the progressive and feminist news alerts, there are hearty round-ups of celebrity gossip. And while I am not interested enough in celebrity garbage to actually read up on it, I must admit, do I want to know when Brad and Angie finally break it off, or when Lindsay Lohan ODs in a club bathroom, or when somebody has a major weight reversal? Yes! Yes, okay? I do want to know that! I admit it! But I don’t need to know the deets – I just want a headline and a photo, and that’s what Jezebel delivers. Now, The Awl, helmed by former Gawker editor, Choire Sicha (aka the only person who ever wrote for Gawker that I actually liked), is a hilarious, well-written chronicle of all things that would particularly interest…well, Brooklyn dwelling, underemployed pseudo-writers like moi. Plus, it is one of those lovely, rare blogs in which the commenters expand on (and often outshine) the posts. Kinder than Gawker and sharper than The Gothamist, The Awl fits just right.  If I could only read one blog, this would probably be it.

6. Amanda Palmer. The former Dresdan Doll has an awesome solo album. Plus, she’s engaged to Neil Gaiman, and showed up at The Golden Globes with her boobs and her pit hair out. She’s a fucking badass.

7. Small, well-done, original blogs. Tiring of sprawling, massive, constantly updating blogs, I have lately been discovering small, creative, focused sites that do one thing and do it well. Edith Zimmerman writes hilarious very short stories. Tom Oatmeal (who I found through EZ) makes milk come out my nose. And firmuhment is continually brilliant and original – scanned documents that inspire essays, short stories, and humor. I’m not sure if firmuhment is a single author deal or a team effort, but every post has obviously had a lot of work put into it, and I appreciate that.

8. Firefox’s new skins. I spent the lion’s share of my day staring at my browser, so anything that makes it more visually appealing makes me happy. Firefox’s new skins are a small adjustment that, surprisingly, makes a big difference. Currently, I’m enjoying Spring II. Goes well with my igoogle theme.

9. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I resisted getting into this back in high school when everyone was super into it, and haven’t gotten into it since, because I didn’t want to consume seven seasons of TV. But my coworker has them all on DVD. Uncle, okay? I’m through six seasons already, and ready to register as an official member of the Joss Whedon fanbase. In addition to the overall awesomeness of the series, I enjoy identifying basic karate moves in the fight choreography.

10. My new phone. After three shameful years of hitchhiking on my parents’ family plan, I finally ponied up and got my own phone plan, and a phone with a full keyboard and a camera. And man, it makes a huge difference! I no longer wince at the sound of a text message arriving: it doesn’t take me a year to peck out a response anymore, and my phone looks cool and is really fun to use. And yesterday, when my brunch coffee came in a giant bowl with no handle, I was able to document it quickly and easily, no forethought required.

11. My rabbit, Thomasina. Thomasina is so freaking adorable!! And I love having a pet! This was a good move. She’s my little pal, and she does hilarious things and entertains me, and she’s cuddly and fun. Right now, for example, I am trying to write, and she is collapsing her little grass hut on top of her head, and making eyes at the rabbit she thinks lives in my closet mirror! OMG, she’s a gas. I won’t work at all today.

- They require a gigantic cage environment, which can comfortably accomodate a litter box, food and water bowls, a hidey-hole-type box and a variety of toys and towels and crumpled newspapers. (Ideally, they should have shelves and ramps, as well, but we all make sacrifices to live in NYC, and Thomasina must do her part.)
- They pretty much litter-box train themselves. Their litter box must be changed daily, and filled with fresh timothy hay, which hay forms the mainstay of their daily diet (I know, totally gross).
- They also need a large fresh salad every day, and a small amount of pellets.
- It’s better for them to be relatively cool than to be hot.
- They don’t like to be picked up at all. It really, really makes them uncomfortable. When you do pick them up, there’s a special way to do it.
- They can die in a matter of hours from intestinal gas. The way to prevent this is to catch it in time, stick a thermomenter up their butts to determine if their temperature has dropped, and then give them baby gas meds. Then they’ll be fine. I dread the day I have to deal with this.
- You have to clip their toenails. I dread the day I have to deal with this.
- They can be put into a trance by being tipped gently onto their backs.
- They need carpeted surfaces to run and jump on; hard surfaces can give them sore hocks.
- If they’re happy, they do ‘binkys’ all over the house, which are giant, leaping, backflip-type moves. If they do not do these, you are a terrible rabbit-parent, and your rabbit is miserable.
- They get really furious when you leave them, and super excited and lovey when you return, like a dog (or at least, mine does).
- Their life span is 10 years. I still don’t really believe this, nor can I envision myself being in possession of this rabbit for a full-on decade.

Here is what I knew about rabbits:

- They are very cute.
- You have to cover all of your electrical cords before you let them run around the house.

So, it’s been a real learning opportunity. Since bringing Thomasina home, I have mostly occupied myself by worrying insanely about her wellbeing. When I am not hovering over her, making sure she is eating and breathing and pooping and not gnawing on an electrical wire, I am at work or karate worrying about what she’s doing, and whether or not I have somehow brought about her early demise through neglect or stupidity, and googling various behaviors to make sure I am not missing anything crucial (she had a mild attack of the hiccups today, and damn near gave me a heart attack). Hopefully, this worrying will abate somewhat as I get used to owning her, and I can resume my previous life, which consisted largely of worrying about my own health, and searching rare conditions on Web MD.

Anyway, I’ve built her what I think is a really kick-ass cage/playpen out of Neat Idea Cubes, and have put some cheap mats down on the floor and everything. I let her out in my room when I am home. As soon as I cover all our cords and obtain an area rug I can roll out in the living room, I’m going to let her explore the rest of the house. My main problem right now is that I don’t know how much to feed her, and I’m afraid I’m starving her. According to the people who walked me through her adoption, she should be having one or two large, leafy, mixed salads a day, in addition to her hay and pellets, but everything I can find on the Internets says that rabbits should have two cups of greens per six pounds body weight. Thomasina is two pounds max. So, last night I gave her a tiny salad, and I had a big salad, and we sat on the floor and watched Buffy on my laptop, with some magazines laid over the cord.

So, I guess I’m this crazy person now. Also? I may be a little biased? But I’m pretty sure that Thomasina is the coolest rabbit that ever lived, and is vastly superior to all cats and even a fair amount of dogs.