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December 13, 2010

Why I Love The Atlantic, But Don’t Read It Anymore

At some point in my early 20s, I suddenly realized that I was dumber than shit, and so I started making myself read a lot of stuff I wouldn’t have bothered with before, trying to absorb it.  The Atlantic was one of the first of these things that I actually enjoyed.  I began working through it with an effort, but I quickly developed a true appreciation for its long-form political journalism, which was extremely well-written and involving, even for someone with very little context.  So, I’ll always have a soft spot for The Atlantic, and I’ll put up with a lot of bullshit from it, because in the end, despite its frequent misses, when it’s good, it’s great.

Apparently, the magazine is on track to turn a profit this year:

The Atlantic, the intellectual’s monthly that always seemed more comfortable as an academic exercise than a business, is on track to turn a tidy profit of $1.8 million this year. That would be the first time in at least a decade that it had not lost money.

Getting there took a cultural transfusion, a dose of counterintuition and a lot of digital advertising revenue.

“We imagined ourselves as a venture-capital-backed start-up in Silicon Valley whose mission was to attack and disrupt The Atlantic,” said Justin B. Smith, president of the Atlantic Media Company, who arrived at the magazine’s offices in the Watergate complex in 2007 with a mission to stanch the red ink. “In essence, we brainstormed the question, ‘What would we do if the goal was to aggressively cannibalize ourselves?’ ”

They’ve basically embraced the internet and free digital content, as opposed to fighting it, and it seems to be paying off. 

My only issue with their web presence is that you can’t get an RSS feed of just the monthly issue.  I refuse to read anything that won’t show up in my RSS, because I can’t be bothered to remember when things publish, so I haven’t looked at The Atlantic in years, unless something else in my feed has linked to it and reminded me of its existence.  You can get feeds for other, more frequently updated web-only content from them, but not of the actual monthly issues.  I don’t know why.  They’ll send you a weekly or monthly email with a list of links to the magazine contents, but I’m never going to read something out of an email.  My feed is where I read stuff, and if I want to read a longer article, I’ll star it or keep it unread and come back to it, but I don’t come back to old emails looking for stuff to read.  So, until The Atlantic makes that extremely simple fix, I’m not reading it, because I’m a Millennial and I’m entitled and lazy.

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November 16, 2010

Four Loko – What’s the Big Deal?

I’m sort of peripherally aware of the controversy surrounding this Four Loko caffeinated alcohol drink.  They’re banning it in NY, I think (as they did with Sparks before it)?  Here’s the thing, though – it’s just alcohol and caffeine, yeah?  I mean, probably not the best idea, but people are acting like it’s a mixture of ketamine and acid.  I keep hearing that children are dying and people are throwing themselves off balconies and what not.  Personally, I’m so caffeine tolerant/low energy that I can fall sound asleep standing up directly after consuming a venti red eye, but even normal people sometimes have a bottle of wine and a double espresso with dinner, yeah?  Or a few Red Bull and vodkas?  There’s nothing in this combination that makes people go starkers, so I don’t understand what the big commotion is all about. 

People have a tendency to make up reactions to substances; like how everyone – everyone!  – thinks they get a “sugar high” when there is absolutely no such thing at all.  So between that and the fact that I don’t really react strongly to a lot of substances, I tend to simply dismiss it anytime anyone’s going on about some craaaaazy food or beverage that makes you nuts.  For example, this whole meth thing:  I mean, guys, is it really the meth that’s to blame, or is it just that deep down, you secretly want to develop a terrible psychosis while all your teeth rot away?

Posted in Advertising, Food, Health | 3 Comments »

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August 26, 2010

All About Trader Joe’s

Last night, I visited the new Trader Joe’s in Chelsea, and it is sweet. The aisles are so big! The ceiling is so high! The space is so ample and bright! I am a long-time fan of Trader Joe’s, and I have been braving the throngs at the 14th Street location for a while now, even though it sucks there. Here’s a tip should you be so inclined to shop there: go at 9:45pm. The employees at Trader Joe’s work up to a certain hour past close anyway, so they don’t rush you to get out. You can shop freely at fifteen to close, and it’s nowhere near as crowded as it is every other time of day. Anyway, it’s not the lines that are a problem at TJ’s. Even though the lines wrap around the store, they move pretty quickly. What really sucks about the Union Square TJs is that you can’t get to any of the merchandise without shoving through the ever-present line, and this is not a problem at the Chelsea location.

Fortune has a long, interesting article about TJ’s, but it’s funny that they spend the first couple pages talking about why the stores are so popular without focusing on the main reason people go to TJ’s: low cost. They kind of cover this later, but they open with selection, and the friendly, small-town vibe. That’s great and all, but TJ’s is so popular in its demographic (students and young, urban, single broke people) because it puts paid to the whole “cheap, healthy or fast: pick two” conundrum. At TJ’s, you can get healthy, fully- or semi-prepared foods for low cost, which makes it the perfect store, even if you have to wait in line.

Also, TJ’s doesn’t have coupons or discount cards – the price is the price. Which, side-note, the whole discount card thing blows my mind, in that every single American consumer despises the discount (club) card system — nobody wants to give a store all their marketing information in exchange for sale prices, and then carry around a card all the time — but even though the entire spending population hates it, somehow every single store has adopted this system. I mean, what the hell? Why doesn’t the consumer have a vote here? It’s like we’re all serving the stores we shop at, rather than the other way around. I wish there were some way to coordinate everyone in the country to just refuse to use those damn cards, so the chains would all have to give up on that stupid system.

Ahem. Anyway, Trader Joe’s!

The friendliness of the employees wouldn’t be enough to get me to shop there if the prices weren’t low, but it is a nice benefit. I’m shy and don’t generally like to have to interact too much with the employees where I shop, but even I feel that it is more pleasant to shop at TJ’s then anywhere else. Turns out, the shocking reason why the employees are helpful and approachable is that they are really, really well-paid!

Store managers, “captains” in Trader Joe’s parlance — the nautical titles are a holdover from Coulombe (newly promoted captains are commanders; assistant store managers are first mates) — can make in the low six figures, and full-time crew members can start in the $40,000 to $60,000 range. But on top of the pay, Trader Joe’s annually contributes 15.4% of employees’ gross income to tax-deferred retirement accounts.

Apparently, the way to motivate employees to act as if they care whether they keep their job or not is to pay them decently. Who’d have thought?

When I first moved to NYC, I applied for a job at TJ’s, and I had to take this “simple” math test that included long division (I can’t even add or subtract, so I used my phone when no one was looking). So, presumably the employees at TJ’s must be fairly decent at the maths, even if they are occasionally so stoned, you have to count up your Clif Bars for them at the register (it’s charming, really). Also, the employees do all the jobs in rotation – they don’t have stockers and cashiers, and early-morning truck unloaders; rather, everyone does everything, which seems to work pretty well.

Anyway, it’s an interesting article. I didn’t know the company was so secretive, or that the owners also own Aldi. Also, the article cites studies showing that people enjoy a shopping experience more if there is a smaller selection, which doesn’t surprise me at all. And then there’s this:

Make no mistake: A typical family couldn’t do all its shopping at the store. There’s no baby food, toothpicks, or other necessities.

Really? Toothpicks – that’s what you’re going with there? Reporter Beth Kowitt must have recently quit smoking.

Posted in Advertising, Economics, Food, New York City | 3 Comments »

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June 18, 2010

The Average-Sized Woman

Having had the opportunity to try on several pairs of jeans lately, and being reminded of how frustrating that activity usually is, I have made a definitive sketch of what most clothing designers seem to believe the dimensions of the average woman are:

Now personally, I’ve never seen a woman who looks like this, whether in real life or on the catwalks, but apparently, they are legion.

In reality, my figure looks more like this:

 

Posted in Advertising, Rants | 2 Comments »

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June 5, 2009

On Credit Cards

This Times article on how credit card companies work, and how they are now changing, is fascinating and well worth the read:

Luckily for the industry, small groups of executives at most of the large firms have spent the last decade studying cardholders from almost every angle, and collection agencies have developed more sophisticated dunning techniques. They have sought to draw psychological and behavioral lessons from the enormous amounts of data the credit-card companies collect every day. They’ve run thousands of tests and crunched the numbers on millions of accounts. One result of all that labor is the conversation between Santana — a former bouncer whose higher education consists solely of corporate-sponsored classes like “the Psychology of Collections” — and the man from Massachusetts. When Santana contacted the man last month, he was armed with detailed information about his life and trained in which psychological approaches were most likely to succeed.

(via Lone Gunman)

See also this post:

One model is that the credit card companies are lying to you – they think of you less as an individual to have a dynamic risk factor dynamically assigned to you, and instead as part of a portfolio to have a specific rate of return extracted from. So they have statisticians and psychologists not to create a credit risk, but instead to figure out who is likely to pay what when, and use that to keep their returns very high. Quants to study how much they can squeeze from someone – not too much, but not too little. So it is less about the awesome part of markets, the price information and the convergence and feedback, and something more feudal.

(via Yglesias)

He goes on to do all the maths, but I went blank at all the numbers.

Frankly, as the type of person who always pays my bills the very same day I get them in the mail, I’m quite sure I’d always pay my balance off each month if I had a credit card (I never have had one), so I’m probably not a desireable customer for credit card companies. They don’t realize that about me, though: almost every single day last year, I received a credit card offer in the mail, from my bank, Washington Mutual. I actually called them to tell them to stop it, and the woman straight up told me that I would continue to receive them until I signed up for a card and there was nothing anybody could do about it. Little did she know! Since the collapse of the general economy and WaMu’s absorption by Chase, I have yet to receive one single offer. Which is all well and good till I want to buy a house. But then, it’s looking highly unlikely any of us will be buying houses in the future, so whatevs.

Posted in Advertising, Economics | Leave a Comment »

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December 3, 2008

Accismus, Y’all

Black Friday is a huge embarrassment to all of us at the best of times, but on this past, most pivotal and heavily advertised of Black Fridays, some people actually trampled a man to death in their haste to get inside a Wal-Mart.

Now. Much has been blogged about this horrible incident already, and I doubt even the most heavily retail-seduced among us heard this news without cringing.

But my main reaction was: how could self-aware people display so much unabashed enthusiasm for anything? I went to high school during the 90s, and if there is one value that the experience of being an adolescent during that unenthused decade instilled in me, it is the importance of being too cool. When something tempting comes along, you are not supposed to snatch at it like an eager toddler. You sit back, smirk ironically . . . and then, after a decent enough time has passed that everyone understands that you could take it or leave it, you casually shrug and take it, peering at it the whole time as if it both amuses and perplexes you.

This is the way in which I approach every desirable thing, from jobs to friends to food to new clothes to men. But even leaving aside the studied indifference of my generation, nonchalance is the only appropriate and polite attitude for people living in a land of plenty. If you are sitting at a table, and the person at the head of the table brings out a cake, you do not climb frantically over the people in between you and the cake, screaming and gnashing your teeth, and bury your face in it. You only behave that way if you are starving to death, or two years old. Otherwise, you sit politely, and pass each slice down as it’s cut, until everyone has one, and then you calmly proceed to eat your slice.

Black Friday is an example of one situation in which everyone thinks it’s a good idea to bury their face in the cake. And for this country, that’s especially disgusting behavior, because essentially, most people at the table already have five entire untouched cakes sitting right in front of them.

There’s a general assumption in America that anything worth having (wealth, fame, good parts, book deals, seats on the subway, marriage proposals, property, cheap piles of shit from Wal-Mart) can only be attained by wrestling it away from somebody else. We talk about ‘wanting it (or her or him) enough to fight for it,’ as if that illustrates strength of character. What a desperate, scrabbling way to live! Just because competition is healthy for markets and other living things does not mean that everything need be competed over. Economists of every school agree, the world is not a pie. Really, it seems to me to be more of an endless conveyer belt (even in a recession, at least as far as Wal-Mart goods are concerned).

Gains not ill-gotten can still be sinful, but for a country that brays so loudly about its Christianity, we’ve entirely erased the word ‘greed’ from our vocabulary.

–

Also, Bitch Ph.D. has this to say about how tramplings actually happen:

You know how hard it is to work your way backwards through a crowd. Now imagine a crowd that’s *urgently* trying to push forward-it would be impossible. And, given that the crowd was apparently strong enough, en masse, to push down a door and trample a man, then (presumably) any individual-or even several individuals-who tried to push back-to keep the doors from being pushed open, or to keep the man from being trampled-is also going to be overwhelmed and pushed forward. . . .The real problem isn’t the people in the crowd. It’s the policy of creating such crowds, especially in situations without infrastructure and trained security people to manage the crowds properly. . . . The problem is the corporations who deliberately create an unnecessary sense of urgency and scarcity in order to drum up sales.

Well, sure.  Living in NYC, everyone shoves and pushes everyone.  At the grocery store yesterday, an older lady bodily shoved me out of the way of a bread bin (and proceeded to fish around in the bread with her bare hands), and a short time later, a girl shoved in front of me to get on the train, because I paused for half a second to let a guy exit (she shoved him aside, as well).  I can’t imagine shoving anyone to get to merchandise or onto a train, but man, if you get into my personal space for no reason, you’re going to catch an elbow.  And while I can’t imagine pushing and shoving my way into any crowded store, concert, club, parade, tree-lighting ceremony, free food giveaway, etc., I can often be found shoving my way out of them.  I have troubles with crowds, and I try (as best I can in a city like this) to keep to mostly clear spaces.  But here, sometimes you’ll be somewhere that’s totally empty, and randomly somehow before you know it, you find yourself surrounded on all sides by a thick crowd.  At which times, I panic.  I can’t help it.  My heart leaps into my throat and starts pounding, and I feel like I can’t breathe, and I will do absolutely anything – kick, claw, shove, trample – to get out of such a situation.  Which may be why I just can’t get my mind around the desire people have to crush into hot spots, to seek out places where they know there will be pushing, sweltering, thronging crowds of humanity pressing on all sides of them.

Of course, I suppose I’ve done just that by moving to New York.

Posted in Advertising, Economics, Misanthropy, Rants | 2 Comments »

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November 18, 2008

Two Unimportant Observations

I am a fan of the singular ‘they,’ but some people get very heated about its use.  They think that it’s incorrect, and that its increasingly widespread acceptance is yet another example of ridiculous PC capitulation to craaazy feminists, etc., etc., and that there’s no real reason that ‘he’ and ‘his’ can’t be used to refer to groups of men and women.  On the other hand, there are also plenty of people who think using ‘they’ is totally legitimate and sometimes necessary, because using the masculine pronouns for mixed groups can be confusing.  I bring all this up because I just came across a sentence in a Richard Bausch short story that completely illustrates why we need the singular they.  The story is about a teenage boy, his mother, and his aunt all spending Christmas together.  Here is the sentence:

They spent the early part of the evening wrapping presents for the morning, each in his own room with his gifts for the others…

Again, this sentence is referring to two grown women and a teenage boy.  How much less confusing and disorienting would be:  ‘…each in their own room with their gifts for the others….’

While reading this story, I enjoyed a Naked juice drink.  Naked juice claims to use a pound of fruit per bottle, and on the side of the label, it lists the fruits included.  This particular bottle lists:  3/4 peach, 1/2 mangosteen, lots of yummy white grapes, 2 3/4 apples & a hint of lemon.  Of course, by “lots of yummy white grapes,” what “they” mean is “this juice is about 98% concentrated grape juice.”  A quick glance at the ingredients list confirms this.  Which is fine – I knew I was drinking juice from concentrate, and this is noted on the front of the label.  But what’s so annoying about the “lots of yummy white grapes” language is how condescending it is.  It’s like the Naked juice people know that the Achilles heel of their all-natural, whole-fruits juice packaging is that there’s concentrated juice in there, but rather than just not emphasize that part of it, they highlight it with a bunch of silly, misleading language.  It’s like when I waited tables, and everything fried was described as “crispy,” which only led to a ton of people getting pissed when fried food came out, and sending it back, making more work for everyone and costing the restaurant money.  People avoid ordering fried foods because they don’t freaking want fried food, so trying to fool them by changing the word is just a ridiculously pointless strategy that is doomed to fail.

Posted in Advertising, Books, Food, Rants | 4 Comments »

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September 29, 2008

Fliers and Change: Two Things I Wish Would Go Away

I never take fliers.  It is very annoying to be walking down a sidewalk and be abruptly clotheslined by somebody shoving a piece of paper into your face.  Who the hell on this green, revolving Earth ever wants a flier?  For anything?  Who ever has followed up on whatever was being advertised on said flier?  Nobody.  When somebody hands somebody else a flier, they are either handing them litter, or a piece of trash to be carried until the receiver finds a trashcan.  Everybody else should do as I do, and decline to take them, so that whatever stupid freaking business owners are still fliering will freaking stop it already.  I.  Hate.  Fliers.

Along the same lines, postcards for shows are a giant waste of money and a thoroughly ineffective marketing tool.  Nobody ever, ever, ever goes to a show they weren’t already planning on going to (because they have a friend involved with it) because of a damn postcard.  Best-case scenario here is that one or even two lonely old people in from out of town might possibly, conceivably go to some show just because they saw a postcard for it, but even if you get three such audience members (which is an improbably high estimate), their admission is not enough to recoup whatever you spent on the postcards.  I hate being handed postcards more than fliers, because I actually have to take the postcards and act interested, and then I have to carry them around until it’s ok to throw them away.  Even if I actually plan on going to the show, I’m going to look in my email inbox (where undoubtedly there are at least fourteen different messages about whatever show it is) to remind myself of the time and place, not paw through my various handbags looking for some torn-up flier I was handed at a party three weeks earlier.

In marketing, it’s like…somebody starts doing something, and everybody just does it forever, whether it’s worth a damn or not.  These measures are not effective, and they are annoying, and they result in a huge build-up of worthless clutter in my purse.  Everybody, just stop it.

Another thing nobody agrees with me about – and I know with the economy in the shitter this is hugely optomistic of me – but can we just be done with change already?  It’s heavy and it’s dirty and it gets everywhere and it makes whatever else is in your purse smell like coins, and I amass pounds of it, and then when I try to actually use it up by counting out exact change when I buy something, it massively pisses off the cashier and everybody behind me.  The only thing you can really do with it is give it to homeless people, but then you have to juggle your bag and root around in it and shake it back in forth, all in a moving subway car, while you totter back and forth, and the homeless person politely waits and also totters back and forth, and everybody in the car stares at you and then you look like a real stingy asshole for not just giving the homeless person a dollar, especially after they stood there while you rooted through your purse for five minutes, and anyway, everybody (including the homeless person) knows you’re just trying to offload your obnoxious coins.  I hate small change, and I can see no good reason for it, and with the way prices are these days, why can’t things just be rounded up or down to the next stupid dollar?  At the very least, get rid of everything but quarters.

So, and but this is pretty funny.  It explains how to shut up a music geek at a party.  I used to kind of do this (make up a fake band) on occasion when some snobby guy at a party asked me what bands I like, but now I just never go to parties where I’m likely to run into any guys like that.  Or maybe it’s just that everyone suddenly realized it’s rude to grill strangers about their musical taste.

Posted in Advertising, Rants, Theatre | 10 Comments »

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September 20, 2008

Kaley Cuoco Is the Most Depressing Person Alive

So, I recently joined the YMCA in my neighborhood.  As it’s been over two years since I belonged to a gym and had regular access to weights, I’ve entirely forgotten my old regimen.  So, I bought a few women’s exercise-type magazines to find a couple of routines.  I usually steer clear of women’s magazines because they tend to make me both angry and depressed, and these were no exception.

I seem to recall reading Shape several years ago, and it was 95% about actual exercise, and the models were all ripped. Not anymore.  Now, it’s 95% hideously overpriced clothes, and interviews with lying celebrities (“I mostly care about being happy and healthy, and my kids!”), and advice on how not to eat, or do anything much but spend insane amounts on worthless crap.  And only 40 pages in (or 3 pages in, if you don’t count advertisements), there is an interview with Kaley Cuoco.  Apparently, she is an actor on a sitcom, The Big Bang Theory.  I’d never heard of her or the show.  She’s 22-years-old, and this is what she has to say:

I go to [spinning] class three times a week, without fail.  I always get there early so I can sit in the front of the studio, and I’m ready to go as soon as the instructor comes in.*

And:

…right now I can’t get enough of the 6-inch vegetarian whole-wheat sandwich from Subway.  I pick one up after my Spin class . . . It’s my default meal; I know exactly how many calories are in it – 260 – and I never have to think about what to order.*

And worst of all:

Diet cola is my absolute favorite drink in the world; I used to drink four cans a day.  But to help me cut down, I’ve turned it into a treat.  Now, instead of having dessert, I’ll have a can of diet soda.  Putting a limit on how often I can drink it has helped me appreciate it more.*

Oh my God, Kaley!  I want to kill myself!  You are the saddest girl in the whole world!

Seriously, I myself am far more ascetic in most respects than your average person could bear to be, and I often find my own self depressing in some ways.  But even I want to kidnap this girl and make her go on some insane sky-diving, Fleet-Week-cruising, cocaine-snorting adventure in irresponsible hedonism.  What’s the point of being rich and famous if your best idea of an awesome time is go to spin class and then eat a Subway sandwich and drink a can of Diet Coke?

Jeez.

–
These quotes taken from Shape’s October 2008 issue (Vol. 28, No. 2); I don’t really know what the procedure is for footnoting in a blog post.  Please don’t sue me, Shape.  Oh, and also – your magazine blows.

Posted in Advertising, Feminism, Food, Health, People | 10 Comments »

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August 21, 2008

Bodies In Motion

It’s the grand reinstatement of Feminist Thursday!

First of all, let me just say I finally found a beer I can drink in good conscience. I’m less thrilled to say that it’s Fosters, as Fosters isn’t that good or widely available, and generally comes in giant oilcans that I’d rather not admit I can drink by carrying around with me. But regardless, I’m tickled pink with them for this, and happy that at long last, here’s a beer company that doesn’t feel it can afford to alienate half the population.  (Although, none of the above is really true, as Fosters advertising is just as offensive to women as all the other beer ads.)

Also, the Olympics have been going on; they’ve provided all manner of things for everybody to get pissed off about, and feminists are not left out:

First of all, are the uniforms too sexy? I don’t know, actually. While I do understand the point here, and while it’s certainly not okay for female athletes to be treated like objects. . . on the other hand, the skimpiness of women’s Olympic uniforms doesn’t really make me angry. Athletes are walking representations of what bodies can look like and what bodies can do, and you know, of course people are going to ogle them. What really upsets me is when men like (or are encouraged to like) ogling undernourished, undeveloped, weak, hairless, diminished women – listless, helpless waifs who closely resemble (or are) prepubescent girls, and whose “sexiness” lies entirely in their powerlessness. Frankly, I think the ogling of Olympian bodies is a huge step in the right direction. If only all young girls could think the best way to be sexy is to look like you can fling your date across a parking lot.

Finally, All Them are upset about this, which, yes, it’s bad, but it’s not like it’s an outrage particular to China. In the U.S., ability completely takes a backseat to attractiveness across the entertainment industry. Okay, so China was more blatant about it, choosing a pretty girl to lip-sync to a less-attractive girl’s singing. But in the U.S., we would have just had the pretty girl sing with her own crappy voice – the less-attractive good singer wouldn’t have gotten the job in any event.  What isn’t a beauty pageant, really?  America has absolutely no tolerance for the uglies – even off-camera civilians here are expected to look like movie stars.

In other (non-Olympics related) news, the UK courts decided that women who were raped while drunk deserve less compensation than those who were raped in all sobriety. Of course, there was a huge public outcry and the decision was reversed. I can’t comment on this any better than these two posts do (one and two), so everyone should just read them.

On a lighter note, how did I not know Hedy Lamarr was so cool? Apparently, she co-invented a torpedo-guiding device. She also said this:

“Any girl can be glamorous,” she said. “All she has to do is stand still and look stupid.”

Holla!

Posted in Advertising, Feminism, Health, People, Politics | Leave a Comment »

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July 10, 2008

Media To Women: You’re Not Having Sex Right

Slate has a long article summarizing all the various reasons why the science behind various studies and books asserting inherent differences between the sexes is thin at best. The article covers familiar ground – a lot of it restates the Mark Liberman posts I’m always linking to over at Language Log – but hopefully, this will help to discredit some of the more oft-repeated (and baseless) claims:

Even on the most hotly contested questions—like whether women have better verbal skills, or are hard-wired for empathy, or have cognitive differences that limit their advancement in math and science—the case for large, innate disparities is messy and, for the most part, underwhelming. This is especially true when it comes to neural and hormonal claims, which tend to be controversial. These writers offer canny caveats about culture and its role in gender difference. But they tend to imply that if a difference has innate roots, it’s likely to be relatively fixed. And that’s not necessarily so. In crucial ways, the mind is malleable. Ultimately, the evangelists aren’t really daring to be politically incorrect. They’re peddling one-sidedness, sprinkled with scientific hyperbole.

And while we’re on the differences between men and women, a nice rant all about orgasms – having them, not having them, faking them and who’s to blame – in response to a totally stupid column by MSNBC’s Brian Alexander:

But the thing that pissed me off the most is how Alexander wants us to look at his “roughly one-third” of straight women always have an orgasm statistic and be impressed by it. Clearly, the language he uses around it tells us that he’s saying WOW! One whole third? What a big number – especially when so many women are sexually defective!

As everyone knows, women love jerks, who, it seems, get laid a lot more. Why might that be?

It’s not always a matter of bad boys wooing vulnerable women into bed and then leaving them; it’s often two people who are both interested in just sex picking each other and calling it a day. Of course, there are no doubt some women who are suckered in by narcissistic jerks; there are also some dudes who are suckered in by narcissistic jerks (just as a Nice Guy). But sex isn’t always a trick men play on women.

What? Women might have different criteria (like looks and availability) for a one-night stand than they do for an actual relationship? No way!

One of the (many) things that really pisses me off is when guys go on about how women don’t like them because they’re too nice. I realize that everybody has to tell themselves something to get over rejection that puts the blame on the rejector and off themselves – women do the same thing (“I’m too intimidating/smart/successful”) – but I hate hearing guys go on about how their whole trouble is they’re just too swell for their own good. You know what? Usually “too nice” really means “unattractive and obnoxious.”

Hey, did you hear anything about these girls who had a pregnancy pact? And then, did you hear about how they actually didn’t?:

In short, the actual news item isn’t TODAY’S TEENS ARE SO IRRESPONSIBLE OMG. Rather, it is PREGNANT WOMEN REALLY WANT TO DO THE BEST THING FOR THEMSELVES AND THEIR CHILDREN, EVEN WHEN THEY THEMSELVES ARE PRACTICALLY CHILDREN, AND IF YOU REMOVE THE STIGMA AND GIVE THEM SOME ACTUAL FUCKING SUPPORT IT HELPS A LOT. But that doesn’t fit in a headline, and it doesn’t give people an opportunity to feel morally superior.

Apparently, the problem is knocked-up teenagers aren’t being mocked and derided sufficiently anymore:

When the same girl shows up at the school clinic for five pregnancy tests in one month, shouldn’t somebody be mocking her for it? In fact, isn’t promoting shame through mockery our civic duty?

(via Feministing)

Just…wow.

More on keeping daughters in line:

“Authorities allege that Rashid killed his daughter because he feared that her resistance to a recently arranged marriage would disgrace the Pakistani-American family.”

Sounds so simple right? He killed her because his “culture” made him. Not because he might be mentally ill or pathological. There is no denying that in basically every culture there is pressure put on women to act a certain way and especially with regard to marriage or the ownership of her sexuality. But the way that “honor” killing is discussed in the media you would think it is some normal cultural phenomena, when it is not. It is a sign of illness, culture gone awry and patriarchy at its most exaggerated.

Speaking of other cultures, here’s a few utterly sickening photo shoots in which black women are used as props for white models. Can we please, please, please just completely be done with the fashion industry now? Please?

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I didn’t mention Michelle Obama once! If you need your fix, Michelle Obama Watch is a new blog entirely devoted to the subject. (via Feministing)

Posted in Advertising, Dating, Feminism, People, Politics, Science | 1 Comment »

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July 8, 2008

Things You Might Hear At Your Weight Watchers Meeting…

…now that Weight Watchers has launched its new “Diets Are Mean” campaign:

“Are you trying to be in movies? No? Then what do you want to be thin for?”

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“I think you have a lovely, womanly figure!”

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“Hell, how long’s it been since you last had sex? Give yourself a damn piece of cake!”

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“No one who’s had the day you’ve had could get by on 1500 calories.”

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“It’s just harder for you to lose weight than other people – you have a different kind of body.”

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“You went to the gym today – go ahead and have seconds!”

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“Oh, so you ate the whole pint. At least you’re not a heroin addict.”

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“If you’re being good and eating a boring salad for lunch, you should at least get to jazz it up with fried chicken strips and ranch dressing.”

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“You know, you’re a good, kind person, and you’re intelligent. If you’re also fifty pounds overweight, well, that’s just more of you to love!”

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“Skinny people look like anorexics with cancer.”

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“If you just concentrate on making yourself happy, the weight will go away on its own.”

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“Everything in moderation – even moderation!”

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“Calories don’t count on your birthday/at Christmas/on your friend’s birthday/at a wedding/on vacation/when it’s this beautiful out/on the weekends/when you’re celebrating/on Flag Day/when they’re free/when someone surprises you with a treat!!!!”

Posted in Advertising, Food, Health, Humor | 1 Comment »

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July 7, 2008

FISA and American Girls, or, How the Obamas Disappointed Me This Week

Get disappointed by someone new, indeed. Everyone’s talking about Obama and FISA. TPM has a good summary of his statements on the matter, and how his position has changed:

Viewing his statements, it’s striking how forcefully he argued in the past that the choice between civil liberties and safety is a false one.

Let the disillusionment begin.

–

Here, the women of Slate discuss the American Girls line of dolls. The general opinion seems to be that the dolls, while promoting consumerism, are at least an improvement on Barbies and other bubble-headed bimbo lines, what with the AG’s emphasis on historical context and self-sufficient and adventurous characters.

Well! Trust me to crap all over that! Frankly, I think anybody who buys their kid a $90 doll ought to be ashamed of themselves. If that’s too rigid an opinion, I’m sorry, but I can’t fathom how anyone could argue it’s a positive thing to purchase this hugely overpriced luxury line of dolls and doll-related items for their kid. I loved looking at the AG catalog when I was little – I wore holes in it. But even back then, I saved my breath about the possibility of actually getting one. My parents bought me all kinds of dolls and undoubtedly spoiled me toy-wise, but even if we had been billionaires, I doubt they’d have entertained the idea of spending $90 on such a thing.

To be fair, my opinion about the AG dolls is entirely colored by a specific episode in my childhood that left me with a very bad impression of both the dolls and the families who value them. I went to an elementary school in a hugely wealthy neighborhood, and in third grade, one of the most well-off girls in my class invited everyone to her birthday party. The party was at the Sequoyah Hills Country Club, and it was an American Girls doll party. Everyone was to bring their American Girls doll. This ignoring the fact that most kids did not, of course, own an American Girls doll. I brought my little baby doll that probably cost around $12, and I went with my best friend, who was one of two black kids in my grade. I mention this because at the time (and possibly still, for all I know) the Sequoyah Hills Country Club, in the grand tradition of country clubs everywhere, did not offer membership to black people. It was, however, staffed by them.

The party had big tables for the kids, and little tables for the dolls. The table settings matched – there were big dishes, and matching doll dishes. There was real-people food, and matching fake doll food. There were big-girl party favors, and matching tiny doll party favors. The girl hosting the party wore a sailor suit that matched her Samantha doll’s sailor suit. I wasn’t really friends with anybody at the party, other than my best friend. And I don’t remember much about it, other than that the (exclusively black) men in butler outfits waiting on us were required to go around and pour air tea for the dolls.

I shit you not.

You know, to each their own and all that, but personally, I don’t want to have anything to do with anybody who is even remotely a part of the world I observed that day. Because of this experience, the AG dolls have become a sort of symbol of extravagance and snobbery to me, and as a result, I don’t think much of them, or mothers who think they’re precious (I’m disappointed Michelle Obama is one of them). Samantha may be promoting a more positive message than Barbie, but it’s entirely possible the little girl who threw that party resembles nobody so much as Barbie in her adulthood. The “message” is lost (because the message is beside the point); the consumerism, however, finds its intended audience.

Massively overpriced consumer items have one purpose, and one purpose only – to create and encourage desire and greed (in part by establishing themselves as status symbols: the enjoyment of having a $90 doll depends upon other girls having $12 ones – how else do you know yours is worth $90?), and to profit from it. Period. I don’t care if the dolls are a line of miniature Susan B. Anthonys and Betty Friedans – there is nothing progressively feminist about encouraging your daughter’s desire for a ridiculously high-priced doll and its accompanying outfits, accessories and furnitures.

Rawr! My daughter will have a flour sack with a face drawn on it for a doll, and she’ll damn well like it!

Posted in Advertising, Feminism, People, Politics, Rants | 2 Comments »

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July 6, 2008

I’ve Been Exploring: Providence and the New Haven Ikea

Last weekend, my improv team drove up to Providence, Rhode Island to perform in the annual improv festival there. Being New Yorkers, we’re all a bit rusty on driving, but, after briefly (and oh, so gently) tapping an elderly Polish pedestrian with our car (for some reason, the old man threw a little fit about this), we made it out of Brooklyn and into Queens.

We were in Queens for a long time. Queens is confusing, even with the GPS device that was our Lord and Master for the duration of the trip. I’ve never worked with a GPS device before. This one was pretty handy, but at the same time, confusing. And the smooth, female British voice that we selected could sound anywhere from condescending to downright exasperated depending on how often she was forced to repeat herself. This was her advice: ‘Turn right now. Turn right n— …Recalculating. Make a Uuuu-Turn. Make a Uuuu-Turn. …Recalculating. Turn left, then turn right. Turn left now. Left. Left now! (Sigh.) …Recalculating. Make a Uuuu-Turn.’

In this way, we eventually emerged from the Bronx and into Connecticut…to sit in a stop-and-start traffic jam all the way through New Haven. But we did make it to Providence in time for our show, and even our most tardy car-full of players burst into the greenroom fifteen minutes before curtain.

Providence is charming; it reminded me of a New England version of Charleston. Unfortunately, I have no photos, because I was too lazy to ever take my camera out of the trunk. We spent Saturday wandering up and down Thayer Street, the commercial district surrounding the Brown University campus in Providence’s East Side neighborhood. Thayer Street is lined with colorfully painted, old two-story houses made into cafes, antique shops, hippie-clothing stores catering to students and so forth. There were a lot of young people milling around, and everybody seemed to know each other. The main drag gave onto wide, tree-lined blocks of Victorian mansions with wrap-around porches. As is always the case when New Yorkers venture out of the city, my friends and I were delightfully amazed by the low prices and general friendliness we were met with all through the city.

Around 4:00 p.m., we piled back into the car, switched on the GPS device and headed back to New York. But on the way, we stopped at the Ikea in New Haven.

Now, since I do live in the world, I’d heard all about the Ikea thing – from back when Ikea was the most totally awesome thing ever to now, when mention of Ikea is generally accompanied by an apologetic eye-roll. But until last weekend, I had yet to actually go to one myself.

Here’s my interior monologue, which best describes how I experienced my very first Ikea visit:

–

“Wow, this place is huge! This stuff all looks pretty cool. Okay, I’m ready to eat now.

…Oh. We’re shopping. I guess we’re going to be shopping for awhile.

Oh, this place is really huge.

Oh, we’re really shopping.

Oh, I’m going to be here for a very long time.

…Damn it.

Well. These apartment set-ups all look really great. Maybe I should buy something. What would I buy? What would look good in my apartment? What does my apartment look like?

I can’t remember.

I just know it doesn’t look like these apartments. My apartment looks like shit.* How do you make something like my apartment look like these apartments look?

I’m not equal to this challenge.

The people who live in these apartments are probably really happy.

These apartments are cheap and cute, and probably what most people would consider good starter-apartment solutions until they get their careers going, and make enough money to have a real, nice house. Whereas for me, these Ikea apartments are like the long-term-goal apartments. If, by retirement, I am living in an Ikea apartment, I will have exceeded my own expectations.

I’m not at all where I should be at 27. I still sleep in a twin bed, have a shower curtain on my window, and nothing on my walls except for a hideous poster of Native Americans that I found in the trash! I should get a couch. And a career. And a car. And a dog. And friends. And a Relationship.

Or maybe just some meatballs. Yes, meatballs will improve matters. And then, we will leave.

Whoa, there’s another floor! A whole other floor! Oh, I want all matching dishes! I want all matching dishes to eat breakfast on in the sun in a pretty dress with the whole day ahead of me and appointments and a book to write them all down in that matches my handbag, and colorful cocktails after with good-looking people at a rooftop bar where all the drinks cost $14!!!! I want everything about my life to be entirely different, and I want it all to occur in a color-coordinated, cunningly planned setting!!!! I want to design every, single inch of my life, so it’s an appropriate backdrop for the huge, personal successes that will surely follow!!!!!

Or not.

Hell, I can at least buy some new sheets. This way, I don’t have to wash my old ones.”

–

And that is what I did – I got red and pink sheets, and I’m very happy with them. And I also got an ice-cube tray that makes ice cubes shaped like tiny liquor bottles. It’s not much, but it’s a start. And it all cost less than $20 which is the main reason Ikea is so very awesome. I might go again someday, if I ever feel I have things together enough to justify putting some effort into decorating my environment. But frankly, I’m still probably several years (and possibly several cities) away from that point.

And yes, I realize I had more to say about the Ikea than about Providence. What can I say? They’ve got a great business concept going.

__
*Roommates, if you read this, our apartment does not really look like shit. It only looks like shit when it’s standing next to a precious, little Ikea model, and those models only exist to make ordinary apartments feel bad about themselves anyway.

Posted in Advertising, Humor, Theatre, Travel | 3 Comments »

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July 1, 2008

What I’m Really Looking For In a Self-Help Book

After wasting money on any number of self-help (and/or trade) books that I skim, feel vaguely disappointed with, and put down never to pick up again, I gave some thought to what I had been expecting to find between their covers. Here’s the sort of advice I was really looking for:

How To Win Friends And Influence People: Rub them just behind their left ears, while simultaneously squeezing their right pinky fingers. They’ll do absolutely anything you say for the next 9.25 hours.

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The Four-Hour Work Week: The ATM code 999994 will legally dispense $500 at all Chase Bank ATMs.

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Weight-Loss Secrets Of the Stars: Swallow an ostrich feather every evening – no matter what you’ve eaten, you’ll wake up a dead-ringer for Cate Blanchett.

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The Actor’s Guidebook: Send a headshot and a $50 money order to Harvey Weinstein, along with this special code: “AUVW945#.” Allow three to four weeks for fame to take hold.

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How To Make Millions With Your Ideas: Fill out these simple applications to this short-list of obscure government grants that go unclaimed each month, and you will be sure to rake up at least $20,000 (per idea) in no-strings-attached government money, even if your idea is half-baked and undefined, and you yourself are part of the privileged majority.

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How To Travel The World On Ten Dollars A Day: Cut out this coupon and paste it into your passport to receive a 99% discount worldwide at any establishment that accepts currency.

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How To Find the Right Man: He’s currently trying to get a newspaper out of the box at 58th and Broadway. Go ask him for directions to Lincoln Center. It will all work out eventually.

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Getting Things Done: Vitamin A supplements combined with one cup of Red Bull and one tablespoon of vinegar will, when consumed daily, safely and permanently eradicate the need for sleep.

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How To Make Money With Your Blog: Go to www.elizabethilljustdoitforyou.com and enter your blog url and PayPal account information.

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The Secret: If you just think about what you want, it will magically come to you.

Posted in Advertising, Books, Humor | 3 Comments »

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June 30, 2008

Survival Is Overrated

You know, I just want to say that I’m sick of reading all about why Americans are so stupid they can be sold water if it’s packaged attractively. While it’s true that some people can be sold anything, the vast majority of people buy bottled water everywhere now not because it’s attractive, but because water is no longer available for free when you’re not at your house. I don’t buy a billion bottles of Poland Springs for a buck a pop because I think there’s some sort of cachet in it. I buy them because no mini-mart-owner in the city is going to give me a cup of tap water gratis when he could make me spend a buck. Sure, you might get a Dixie-cup-full at Starbucks or something if you buy something else with it, but if you have to keep nagging bored and frustrated service employees to refill your thimble-full of water, only to start the process all over again with another surly teenager after you’ve walked two more blocks and are completely dehydrated again, at some point, you’re just going to buy a damn bottle of water.

And yes, of course, if I thought ahead and always brought a bottle of water from home around with me everywhere, I could avoid this expense. And if I always brought an umbrella, and a light sweater, and Aspirin, and tampons, and Band-Aids and a change of shoes and a novel and an energy bar and a thing of mace, I would always be prepared for every situation, wouldn’t I? But I’m consistently not – I guess it must be because I’m so foolishly attached to overpaying for an attractively packaged commodity that used to be free.

–

So, the big news lately is the Supreme Court’s decision striking down the D.C. gun ban. I don’t have a passionate opinion one way or the other on gun ownership, but here’s one thing I don’t understand:

I’ve heard champions of Second Amendment rights pose the hypothetical scenario that, if you let the government disarm you, in a few decades, you will have a more totalitarian society, and then it’s only a matter of time before the nightmare dystopia ensues and the governmental hit squads come banging at your door. And you’ll be an unarmed sitting duck. And I get that – I too believe that inevitably, at some point, society as we know it will crumble and we’ll go into some sort of The Road situation. But it seems to me that even if you have a whole bunker of guns, if a bunch of people come armed to your door with intent to take you in, you’re done. It doesn’t matter if you have weapons – unless you also have more people with weapons than they have with weapons, they will win.

I think that the real key to surviving when the infrastructure crumbles is to be small, fast, and not missed by anybody. And to not have anything that anybody might conceivably want. So, while gun control opponents can’t believe everybody’s so placid and docile and moronic as to allow their right-to-bear-arms to be chipped away at without a fight, I rather can’t believe everybody’s so placid and docile and moronic as to be gigantically fat, out of shape and laden with expensive possessions (and small, stumbling, needy children).

Come on, people. Your only chance for surviving in a post-apocalyptic world will be to dart around on the margins and feed at night — and to have nothing you love and nothing you’ll miss. I promise you, if a posse ever comes to my door, I will not be defending my “property.” To hell with my property – I’ll be out the back window and over the border before they can hoof it up the front steps.

Anyway, the world might end before any of this comes to pass:

I can well understand why the Times doesn’t want to give sustained big play to the possibility that the world will end on or around Labor Day. In addition to the civic-minded concern that this might create worldwide panic, there are practical matters of self-interest. If the possibility weren’t realized, as most scientists seem to expect, then the Times would look foolish. If the possibility were realized, it would have no opportunity to collect a Pulitzer, because the Times, the Pulitzer board, the Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism, which gives out the award, and every last Times reader would all be obliterated, along with the rest of the planet.

(Plus, too, the North Pole might be free of ice this year:

“From the viewpoint of the science, the North Pole is just another point in the globe, but it does have this symbolic meaning,” Serreze said. “There’s supposed to be ice at the North Pole. The fact that we may not have any by the end of this summer could be quite a symbolic change.”

via FP Passport)

Really, I’m just not as attached to life as we know it as most people seem to be. If I woke up in the world of Wall-E tomorrow, I guess I’d kind of miss the Internet.

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Why a continued American presence in Iraq can’t be compared to West Germany and Japan after WWII:

But setting all those concerns aside there’s one distinction between the case of Germany and Japan and Iraq today that gets far too little mention. It’s not a matter of culture or religion. It is the fact in the aftermath of World War II, both Germany and Japan had been conquered by the United States and her allies in a wars of aggression that Germany and Japan had started. The civilian populations of each country, whatever their war guilt, had experienced shattering levels of violence and privation in the final years of the war. And both countries were immediately faced by nearby hostile powers they feared much more than the United States.

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Public transit: it doesn’t really hit the poor hardest…

In fact . . . poor people do relatively little driving. They differ from middle class and wealthy people in that utility bills take up a very large proportion of their income. Not only should this specific point be remembered, but one should also recall as a general rule of thumb that if you see a large, powerful, well-organized lobby citing the needs of the poor as the rationale for something or other they’re almost certainly full of it.

…and plus, you can get drunk while you ride:

Carl Zimmer and Paul Ehrlich are talking about the need for alternative modes of transportation. He rightly makes the point that there’s a difference between designing a city for cars, and designing a city for people. Also makes the somewhat idiosyncratic point that with transit “you could at least be having a drink on your way home”

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Rob Cockerham at Cockeyed.com plays pranks, usually on various chain stores. Today, he has a new one involving posting clever signs in Home Depot storage sheds:

Despite an ambitious number of signs, I felt my local home depot wasn’t addressing some of the strongest benefits of owning a garden/storage/privacy shed/mini-garage/closet. I decided to make some new signs and try them out!

–

Last but not least, I hope some day to make this list.

Posted in Advertising, People, Politics, Science, Technology | 5 Comments »

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June 25, 2008

Semantics

I stopped reading the Times columnists back when the website started charging for that content, and, since I didn’t miss them at all, I haven’t gone back to reading them.  So, granted, I haven’t read any of the columnists in quite some time, but based on my recollections of when I read them daily (before Kristol was hired, but then, I’m familiar with him), I mostly agree with this assessment:

Unlike David Brooks, another Times conservative, Kristol gives the reader nothing to chew over. Brooks is smart — and usually wrong. But he makes me think and sometimes he gets it just right much as George Will does. One of Kristol’s problems is that he clearly doesn’t believe half the things he writes. . . . He has to pretend he cares about choice and low taxes because he is playing at being a conservative. All that pretending produces seriously bad columns, inept columns. Krauthammer’s columns are crazy but his writing is fine because all the hate energizes him. He loves hating and it shows! Kristol isn’t even a good hater.

I can enjoy reading people with whom I entirely disagree, if they write well and with conviction.  I also adore a good, witty, ranting hater, even if he’s hating on the convictions I hold most dear.  (Incidentally, I have next to no patience for conspiracy theories of any kind, but the closest I come to actually holding one is I kind of think the Times hired Maureen Dowd on purpose to make women look stupid.  Really, is there any other explanation for her?  [And the conspicuous continuing absence of any other women on the Op-Ed page?])

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Speaking of paying for content, I can’t access this New Criterion article without subscribing, but I want to quote the intro:

Sometimes I forget and ask for Tall, Grande, or Venti, but usually I ask, defiantly but with some embarrassment, for small, medium, or large, because I resent being forced into a greater intimacy than I desire with the Starbucks corporate culture. I want to be a customer, not a member of the Starbucks Club who validates his membership along with his entry on the premises by speaking the Starbucks idiolect.

I too resent and avoid the Starbucks pseudo-Italian nomenclature, because using it makes me feel like a tool.  I realize that blogging about my refusal to use it makes me even more of a tool, but I can’t help myself.  Seriously, I don’t understand the whole ‘foreign words sure are classy’ marketing trend to begin with.  Many Americans (including me) only speak English, which is embarrassing enough (especially because they then have the nerve to bitch like all Dickens when somebody else can’t speak it to them), but if that’s the case, we should all just fess up to it.  It’s stupid to try to sprinkle foreign terms we don’t understand and can’t pronounce into our commercial transactions, because the unfamiliar sounds expensive (or authentic, which means authentically expensive).

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Vogue Italia has realized black women can objectify themselves and glamorize greed just as well as white women:

Having worked at one time with nearly all the models he chose for the black issue — Iman, [Naomi] Campbell, Tyra Banks, Jourdan Dunn, [Liya] Kebede, [Alek] Wek, Pat Cleveland, Karen Alexander — [photographer Steven] Meisel had his own feelings. “I thought, it’s ridiculous, this discrimination,” said Mr. Meisel, speaking by phone from his home in Los Angeles. “It’s so crazy to live in such a narrow, narrow place. Age, weight, sexuality, race — every kind of prejudice.”

(via Kottke)

Hooray for equality.  Meanwhile:

Over at Supreme Dicta there is an amusing, if disturbing, report by a grader for the Advanced Placement exam in US Government of some of the more comical statements made in response to an essay question about the 15th Amendment. . . . such as the statement that: “Strom Thurman [sic] was the first black man in Congress”. . .

Really, I think that’s how Strom ought to be remembered.

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Yesterday President Bush told President Arroyo that her people sure make good kitchen workers:

I want to tell you how proud I am to be the President of a nation that — in which there’s a lot of Philippine-Americans. They love America and they love their heritage. And I reminded the President that I am reminded of the great talent of the — of our Philippine-Americans when I eat dinner at the White House. (Laughter.)

Meanwhile, Jim Comey explains why he wasn’t quite sure warrantless wiretapping wasn’t legal:

Well, I suppose there’s an argument — as I said, I’m not a presidential scholar — that because the head of the executive branch determined that it was appropriate to do, that that meant for purposes of those in the executive branch it was legal.

(both via Firedoglake)

On McCain’s foreign policy credibility, Representative Brad Miller writes that no President truly knows and understands another country, and what we really ought to evaluate is how willing a candidate is to listen to the people who do:

After World War II, governments that we thought were stable, governments headed by leaders we found impressive for their western qualities, repeatedly fell to revolutions or coups. To avoid unpleasant surprises, we developed expertise in the State Department and our intelligence agencies to understand other nations. We employed analysts who have lived in different nations and have friends who live there still, speak the language fluently, read the newspapers, watch the television, respect the religion, eat the food, and listen to the music. Our analysts stay in touch with the Americans at universities and in business who travel frequently in those countries and know people there.

With the exception of environmental scientists, no one in the federal government has had less to say about our government’s policies in the last seven years than those analysts. . . . The Bush Administration had open scorn for the analysts who argued that Iraq was an intensely nationalistic society that would resent a foreign army on their soil, and that it would be difficult to establish a government that Iraqis would accept as legitimate.

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I don’t know why I’m suddenly interested in Amtrak:

The number of passengers traveling by train in the US rose significantly in May. Unfortunately, Amtrak is reaching full capacity with no real way to increase the number of trains or routes at its disposal for several years.

I guess just because I really think the age of the personal car is going to eventually end, and I’m curious about how our lives will change when that happens.  I have not had a car since college – I’ve lived in Chicago, and now New York, pretty much the only places in America where you can reasonably live without a vehicle – and honestly, the necessity of getting a car is one huge barrier to my moving elsewhere.  I don’t want to buy one, I don’t want to pay to gas and maintain it, and I don’t want the responsibility of driving.

I wonder:  if public transport becomes more widespread, will inexpensive storage-locker facilities suddenly spring up in all manner of places?  Because that would be good.

Posted in Advertising, Food, Misanthropy, People, Politics, Rants | Leave a Comment »

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June 5, 2008

It’s Called Sarcasm, Stupid

Guests at The Guardian Hay festival ask one question (whatever they most want to ask) to whoever they most want to interview:

Andre Vincent, comedian asks Marcus Brigstocke, comedian

Q You’ve got a fantastic life that I envy. Why do you get depressed so much?

A What an awful question, you horrid man. Well, I made a rule that if I don’t care about something, I won’t write about it. So I have involved myself in loads and loads of things that I passionately care about in the news and after a while, as they’ve accumulated, I have lost faith in the world being a benevolent place. . . . But I would be a mug not to realise that the life that I have is actually enviable, and enjoyable for the most part.

And:

Stephanie Merritt, author and journalist asks Omid Djalili, comedian and actor

Q Should comedy change the way people think about the world, or is it just pure entertainment?

A People can be entertained by comedy of the most puerile nature. People with great motives can also be capable of the most cringingly earnest experiences cloaked as entertainment. When motive and entertainment fuse you get the best combination.

(via Kottke)

(There are also many questions about things political.)

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P.J. O’Rourke visits the Field Museum:

A very wordy inscription details the theories of when and how humans arrived in the New World. Translated from the academese: “We dunno.” An encomium to the Ice Age hunter-gatherers follows. “People like us,” it concludes, “prospered in ancient times.” We did indeed–if your idea of prosperity is fastening a “Clovis people” spearpoint to a stick and stabbing long-horned bison, giant grand sloths, wooly mammoths, mastodons, and New World horses until they were all extinct. The economic boom didn’t extend to casual wear and sports clothes. Ice Age or no, everyone in the talentlessly painted murals is naked. Nipples seem to have been vague and smudgy in ancient times, and a mastodon or giant ground sloth was always getting in between mural viewers and your genitals.

(via A&LD)

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Whoa.  Burger King + advertising + Amsterdam = hugely inappropriate (yes, there is a photo):

The trayliner depicts the airport-style high security Burger King uses to ensure that only the top ingredients are used. Images include a scared Onion with his trousers down around his ankles while a fierce-looking Pickle guard with a latex glove, prepares to digitally examine him! Scattered about him from his open luggage are veggie porn mags!

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Maybe this explains a problem I’ve been having:

What you may not have realized is that perceiving sarcasm, the smirking put-down that buries its barb by stating the opposite, requires a nifty mental trick that lies at the heart of social relations: figuring out what others are thinking. Those who lose the ability, whether through a head injury or the frontotemporal dementias afflicting the patients in Dr. Rankin’s study, just do not get it when someone says during a hurricane, “Nice weather we’re having.”

(via BB)

Ever since moving to NYC, I have had trouble with people interpreting my every comment as sincerely made.  I am sarcastic about 99% of the time, and, until I moved here, so was everybody else.  But for some reason (maybe it has more to do with the age bracket I’ve moved into), I now find myself constantly responding to “Really?!” with “No!  Of course not, I was being sarcastic!”  It’s so weird – you would think New Yorkers would be more sarcastic than everybody else, wouldn’t you?

Here’s an example of an actual conversation I had not too long ago:

Woman (off a star mag she was reading):  “Oh, Gwenyth Paltrow’s feeling harassed by paparazzi again.”

Me:  “Oh, that’s really awful.  I feel really terrible for celebrities.  They have to put up with so much.”

Woman (carefully):  “Yes.  But, you know, they choose that life, and they do really well for themselves, so I don’t always think it’s so bad.”

Me (blinking):  “Me neither.  I don’t feel sorry for celebrities at all.”

Woman:  “What?”

Me:  “I was…being entirely sarcastic.”

Woman:  “Oh.  Oh, I see.”

Me:  “I’m going to back slowly away from you now.”

This might sound like an extreme example, but I swear, this has been happening to me all the time.

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Finally, Todd Levin tells a hilarious subway tale.

Posted in Advertising, Food, Humor, New York City, People, Science | Leave a Comment »

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May 28, 2008

Some Outrages, and Some That Aren’t, Really

Apparently, Rachael Ray wore a Palestinian scarf in a Dunkin’ Donuts ad, and right-wingers were so upset that DD had to pull the ad. As all of my regular readers know, a number of ads outrage me, but they’re all still on the air. If only the boys at Little Green Footballs would turn their considerable influence to rooting out misogyny in advertising…

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If there’s one country that could turn shit into gasoline, it is so Sweden:

Cars using biogas created a stir when they began to be rolled out on a large scale at the start of the decade. The tailpipe emissions are virtually odorless, the fuel is cheaper than gasoline and diesel, and the idea of recovering energy from toilet waste appealed to green-minded Swedes.

(via The Morning News)

(It’s not all that successful, however.)

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Turns out John McCain’s policy for dealing with the mortgage crisis was courtesy of a lobbyist for UBS bank:

MSNBC reports that McCain’s economic guru, Phil Gramm, advised the campaign while he was a paid lobbyist for the Swiss bank UBS. In other words, Gramm was advising McCain on what to do about the mortgage crisis while he getting paid push the legislative agenda of one of the major architects of the mortgage crisis.

More details here:

As MSNBC reported, UBS deregistered Gramm as a lobbyist for the company on April 18th, though he continues to serve as a vice chairman of the bank. But that was fully a month after McCain’s speech outlining his own approach to the crisis.

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The Dalai Lama would like to attend the Olympics:

China reacted coolly on Thursday to a suggestion from the Dalai Lama that he would be happy to attend the Beijing Olympics, and suggested talks with Tibet’s exiled spiritual leader’s envoys may be delayed by the Sichuan earthquake.

(via FP Passport)

Also, here’s a cool picture of Gloucestershire’s annual cheese-rolling (one man appears to be in a pig suit).

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Don’t miss this Slate article about who’s actually responsible for disciplining UN peacekeepers when they go on child rape-a-thons in the countries they’re supposed to be helping:

Though the United Nations has a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to sexual exploitation and abuse, the most severe action it can take is repatriation of the accused-at the contributing nation’s expense-and, if the accused is eventually found guilty, a block on future service in U.N. missions.

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Several articles lately professing shock at how little some people trying to live on a shoestring budget spend and eat have left me wondering: am I out of touch, or is everybody else? Because I spend so much less and eat so much less than the people in the “shocking” examples given in these articles…I mean, good lord:

Mr. Driscoll has since started packing two peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches for lunch. Dinner might be two baked potatoes. On a recent Monday, it was franks and beans. On a good night, he might spend up to $6.

If people really consider this an absolutely shocking sign of deprivation, I must be doing far, far worse than I ever thought. And as much as I joke, I actually think I’m doing pretty well.  (Oh, I should clarify that the articles I’m talking about, including the one linked above, are the articles about young starving-artist types, not the articles about actual poor people.)

Posted in Advertising, New York City, People, Politics, Technology | Leave a Comment »

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May 12, 2008

More Yogurt Ad Derision

Remember what I had to say about those stupid Yoplait ads?

Well, this hilarious video says it all much better.

Posted in Advertising, Food, Humor, Television | Leave a Comment »

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