New Year’s has come and gone, and with it, the usual talk about the efficacy of resolutions. It’s commonly held that after a certain point, attempting to change yourself is futile – you are who you are, and you should just accept it and move on. But I don’t think that’s necessarily true. Behavior becomes habitual, and a habit is a really, really tough thing to break, but it is possible. I have been making the same set of resolutions since I was 19 years old or so – not just on New Year’s Eve, but at various times throughout every year, and writing them down, and promptly forgetting them. They are basically an outline of the sort of person I’d prefer to be, which is worlds away from the person I am, and while nothing seems to change year to year, I have realized in the past year or two that, amazingly, I have gradually implemented some of my own suggestions. Maybe this has more to do with the calming effects of getting a little older (or with my divorce from the theater world, which can’t but have a positive effect on any personality), but I think that constantly reminding myself to do some of these things has made them stick…more or less.
Granted, I still revert back to my default personality whenever I am tired or hungry or jealous or feel backed into a corner. But generally, I do, for example, talk less and listen more now than I did at 20, and this was an incredibly difficult thing to change (although I still spew forth whenever I’m around someone who makes me nervous, or when I suspect I’ve just said something stupid and need to distract my listener by throwing verbal chum in every other direction). On the other hand, I’ve continually resolved to go out more and be vibrant and social, and that never sticks more than a weekend or so. But then, on the third hand, I have successfully learned to stop obsessing and ruminating. I think. Have I?
Whatever. My point is that it is possible to change yourself, at least temporarily, if all circumstances are favorably aligned and you’re well-fed and rested and around people who don’t annoy you too much. People quit smoking and drinking and sometimes even harder stuff, so really, there’s surely no behavioral habit so ingrained that it’s impossible to prod yourself out of it, I think. Except maybe overeating. And having poor posture. And wetting the bed.
