Accismus

Today in the laundry mat, I opened a washer, only to find it full of clothes. Thinking it was finished laundry, I pushed the door to and started loading up another machine. A pretty young blond Polish lady came over, shut the door I had opened firmly, turned around and shot me an extended glare as if I had just straight up pissed in her cereal. She then put her laundry detergent back behind the counter, and barked at the Korean teenage girl on staff, ‘This here mine. Don’t let nobody take.’

‘Yours?’ repeated the girl, confused.

‘Yes. This. Mine. Don’t let nobody take,’ the woman repeated, and left.

After that, I went to the grocery store, and I was rounding the end of the dairy aisle, I heard some major carrying on behind a swinging door. A woman in a white butcher’s apron was prancing back and forth, texting, and jubilantly singing something mocking in Spanish, and totally cracking herself up. She was totally cracking up another butcher, as well, who had his back to her and was using a cleaver to hack at hunks of red meat strewn all over a table.

‘Spanish spanish spanish spaaaaanish,’ sang the woman. ‘Ha, ha, ha, HA!’

‘Woo, ai, ai,’ agreed the man, swinging his cleaver.

‘Spaaaaanish, spaanish, duh-duh-dum, Spanish, heee hee hee heee,’ sang the woman.

‘Mwah, huh, huh, huh, HUH!’ shouted the man, hacking away.

I really wanted to work there, suddenly.