Today in the park, I saw a pigeon spot a Ritz cracker lying in the middle of the path. This was a big, fat glossy pigeon, and he began pecking at the cracker. Presently, a smaller, darker pigeon ran up and tried to get a peck in. Pigeon A attacked Pigeon B with a flurry of feathers and they went beak-to-beak. Pigeon A won, and went back to pecking at the cracker. Another small black pigeon ran up, and there was another fight, with Pigeon A winning. After that, Pigeons B and C lurked around the cracker waiting for an opening while Pigeon A strutted in tight, little circles around the cracker’s perimeter, puffing out his chest and making proclamations. Eventually, he went back to pecking at the cracker, and before long, his beak speared it. He shook his head from side to side to dislodge the cracker, and it flew off some distance. The pigeon looked for it anxiously, as did Pigeons B and C.
At this point, a baby ran down the sidewalk, scattering the pigeons. The baby found some object wrapped in foil and put it in his mouth. I looked around for someone to intervene, and saw the baby’s mother running over. She chased the baby off down the sidewalk, yelling something in Polish that was probably, ‘Spit it out right now!’ Meanwhile, the fat pigeon found the cracker again, and was fighting over it with the two smaller pigeons. He sunk his beak into one of the smaller pigeon’s wingpit, and the bitten pigeon squawked and shimmied sideways, flapping its wing wildly against the fat pigeon’s head. Right that this moment, a tiny brown sparrow swooped between the fighting pigeons and the third pigeon who was hunkering to make another break at the cracker, snatched up the cracker in its beak and attempted to fly off. You could just tell how smart it thought it was by the set of its tailfeathers in flight. Unfortunately, the cracker was too big for it to fly with in a balanced way, and it was forced to land several times to rearrange its grip – the three outraged pigeons giving full, waddling chase. Finally, the sparrow managed to get the cracker to the grass, where it nestled down and became camouflaged. The pigeons went all over the place looking for it, and it worked at the cracker as quickly as it could.
I wish that was the end of it, but at some point when I wasn’t looking, the fat pigeon got the cracker back. The sparrow flew off like a shot, and there was the fat pigeon, puffing and proclaiming and strutting in tight little circles in the grass, while all manner of other pigeons made runs at the cracker. The pigeon kept battering everyone who got near, then took hasty pecks at the cracker, leaving off in time to attack each new intruder – he would even take on three adversaries at once.
I hate that Pigeon A won in the end. He was one fat, shiny, self-congratulatory, greedy, entitled jerkface, and as I sat watching him guard his meal, I wished harm upon him.
