My ears are incredibly small. Almost freakishly so. They look like tiny organisms clinging to the sides of my head. Do everyone’s ears look this weird? Yes.
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The beads of condensation on my coffee cup lid are intensely beautiful. They are tiny, and each one is separate, but perfectly round. On the rim, there is a single line of perfectly spaced beads of water, each one an equal distance from the one before. Such perfect symmetry. Does this mean there is meaning in the universe after all? No.
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Maybe I have a text message. No.
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I never really had an apeshit period. I was a well-behaved and quiet kid, a moderate and studious college student, and an ambitious and healthy young adult. I never slept in alleys, or hitchhiked across the country, or dropped acid and then jumped off a roof. I even somehow managed to backpack Southeast Asia in a mature, responsible manner. Now, I’m getting to the age where an apeshit period would be merely depressing to everyone who witnessed it. Youth is indeed wasted on the young. Maybe I will come to work drunk all next week. No.
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Seriously, why am I even in New York? Perhaps I should move. But where to? And why? Maybe I’ll click through Google Maps with my eyes closed, and wherever I land, I’ll move there. …Kansas City. Oh, hell no.
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The secretary next door just said, ‘Take the next two days off, will you?’ The next two days being the weekend. Everyone laughed hysterically. They laugh because they refuse to weep. They are all so brave.
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Maybe I have a text message. No.
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Maybe someone has put brownies in the breakroom. No.
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I wonder if I got my book out, if anyone would notice or care. I wonder if I got out my book and my ipod, too, if that would really be pushing it. I wonder if I put in a Netflix DVD and watched it with earphones, if anyone would notice. I wonder if I did some push-ups in my cubicle, wearing my ipod and watching a Netflix DVD, if I would be fired.
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How much do I stand to get from selling an egg? Could I bring myself to do such a thing? No. Or…maybe. Well, no.
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I wonder if anyone else ever noticed the similarities between the cast of Wings and the cast of Chip ‘N Dale’s Rescue Rangers?
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Maybe I have a text message. No.
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Another hour closer to 5:00. Another hour closer to death. What have I ever done with my life? What have I ever done for anybody?
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I wonder how much coffee I can chug in 30 minutes? Here goes!
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I should really stop bitching, because this is my life to live and we create our own fate and it is my own job to make something happen to me if I want something to happen with my life, I have to make it happen, have to quit wasting time and quit thinking and procrastinating and worrying and I should just do it now and do it today, and even if I don’t know what ‘it’ is, well, that shouldn’t stop me, because you just have to strike out, you know what I’m saying, with energy and love for all and faith in yourself, and you have to wake up and plug in and GET INTO LIFE, and think of Einstein, think of Teddy Roosevelt, think of well I’m sure there’s someone who was both vibrant and female and I’ve got the will and the drive, and I’m going to do it now, I’m going to do it today because I can’t do anything until I MAKE myself do something! Anything!
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Maybe I have a text message. No.
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Oh, damn it! DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT!!!! I just HATE this! I HATE THIS SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!
